Here is a sample of the self-advertisement I wrote up for a local service locator.
WHEN YOU CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE RIGHT THING TO SAY -
In our busy lives it is hard enough to order a pizza for dinner, let alone find the extra time needed to conduct the in-depth, accurate research that is unequivocally intrinsic to composing just a merely acceptable research paper. To aim any higher would require a lot less eating and an abundance of that precious time in order to methodically interpret your facts and data while diligently compiling the whole lot into that sagacious research paper you have always dreamt of writing! Alas, your flawless research paper is finished and you proudly note that it has Mr. Tuttlebumbum teary-eyed and speechless (for a change) before he earnestly reads it aloud to the rest of your sheepish looking classmates as a shining example of just exactly what he was anticipating all along. You stand quietly at his side and accept your classmate's acclaim and props, as you so justly deserve.
YEAH RIGHT! Snap out of it my friend, the pizza guy is ringing your door bell, your chums have just arrived with some tasty beverages, the high speed internet has been on the blink for days, you are not entirely sure what the research paper topic is and according to the high screeching yips resounding from around your feet - the dog has to go out and I mean NOW!
There, there, my exhausted friend, it is actually quite a fortuitous day for you indeed! You have found your way to me, Kim, a person who actually enjoys reading and studying and (brace yourself) writing. Yes, I said it; I do enjoy all of the nitty grity that goes into writing any type of paper - Research Papers, Term Papers, Creative Writing Stories, Essays, Book Reports, Case Studies, Lab Reports, Articles, Speeches, Admissions Papers, Letters of all types (need a doctor's note?) and I even put together PowerPoint Presentations. You name it - I can write it or create it.
I am a 42 year old stay at home mom with a Bachelor's Degree in Nursing Science, a minor in Psychology, oodles of free time and a lot of personal living experience to draw upon. Best of all, I have never received less than an A on any type of paper I have turned in! Well, except for one and it was an A-.
Rest assured that any work I undertake for you will be original and will never be re-gifted. I consider administering this type of service as a means of providing support to my brothers and sisters who are good at the things I am not - like math and chemistry, while also continuing to augment my own knowledge, intellect and conversation base. I also really do like to write and feel that I have a conventional, yet distinctive style of composing common words that grasps the reader's attention and keeps it there until grade time.
I do not have a set price list for my services. Please contact me with the full extent of your needs including type of paper, topic, writing style (ALA/MLA), # of pages, what is to be included (Title page, Contents page, Bibliography, etc), does your project need to be on a certain type of paper, does it need to include graphs or photos, are there any rough draft due dates and MOST important of all don't forget to tell me the final due date. Also feel free to tell me how you feel about the topic and what you like or do not like about it. When I receive your information, I will submit a price for you to consider. Once you agree to the price, we're off and running.
Please contact me for any and ALL of you writing needs! I write outstanding Dear John letters, charming thank you notes and good/badzilla reference letters dependig on your needs, as well as rigorous and elegant Research/Term papers. I would be pleased to send you some sample excerpts from my college years, if required. Please just keep in mind that some of these types of reports and papers take up that precious time, so get moving in the right direction and get in touch with Kim.